I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
