drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
