TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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