I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
