You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
