K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
420 ftw
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
