It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
