You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
