Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got inside last night via doggy door
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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