260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
