So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
