respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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