i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
