READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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