Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
They are going to name an STD after you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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