My nipple is on Facebook.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
