ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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