I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
