I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
