How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize