If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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