Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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