Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
