i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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