I wish I could punch you in the face.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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