I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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