last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
