I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
