I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
