Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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