i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
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In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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