she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
