# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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