Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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