I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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