i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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