How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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