I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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