I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
