I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
