Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I could fuck to npr.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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