He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
