We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
