My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
