Just took my morning after pill in the library
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Randomize
