I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
