I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
