I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
