I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
