she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
