butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
