i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
