I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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