I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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