i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
