I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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