he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Damn victory sex feels great
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
