I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
