Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
