my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
