Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
