I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
