my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
