The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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