he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
