i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
