I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
