***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
