You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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