Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
